Like most moms, my life was a hectic mess. I always seemed to be just slightly behind and inadequate at everything and always trying to catch up. I always felt I had something to prove at work because when one of my two kids needed me, they always came first. Yet somehow, I always felt inadequate as their mom, too. Always felt guilty about what part of their lives I missed or how tired I felt when I should have had the energy to really enjoy being with them, really listen to them. There were so many other demands on my time that my time with my babies was so precious, and rare, and often not quality time by a long shot. Sure, sometimes I had time with them… time ignoring them while I scrambled around the house picking up toys or throwing laundry in the washing machine. Time ignoring them while I struggled in the grocery store trying to remember everything we needed after a long, stressful day at work while my two babies were clamoring for some badly-needed love and attention from me.

Oh yes, I almost forgot, I’m also a wife. Yes, I remember now, I have a husband, neglected as he is. What ever happened to he and I anyway, the passion, the time for each other, the playing. How come we never have time to play together anymore? He never makes me laugh anymore, why is that?

These issues just kept re-playing themselves hour by hour, day after day, month after month, until finally, I decided that enough was enough. I was going to try to become a stay at home mom, a work at home mom.

After a considerable amount of effort I got a work at home job as an airline reservationist. It paid a little less than my other outside job, but without having to pay for day care, dry cleaning, panty hose and commuting I was actually financially ahead about $580 a month, not counting any tax benefits for turning part of my house into my work from home office.

My first day as a stay at home mom was magical as I began to discover freedom. Oh, it felt so good, strange as it was at first.

I’d catch my heart racing… wake up the kids, fix breakfast, check on Gordon (my husband), throw the clothes into the dryer, remember to write down spaghetti sauce on the grocery list, where are those kids? The breakfast is burning. On and on, the routine kept trying to assert itself into my life… and then I’d catch myself. Wait a minute. There’s no hurry. The kids aren’t going to day care anymore. I don’t have to wake them up. I don’t have to stress about their clothes, or their breakfast. I can spend time with my husband and show him – for once – that I love him.

Usually, the best mom could get was one sip of hot coffee and a full cup of cold coffee, but today I sat down in the breakfast nook overlooking the patio and back yard, and I sat there sipping my hot coffee in total peace and comfort, knowing that since I became a stay at home mom with a work at home job, everything was going to be okay from now on.

I thought my babies would miss day care but surprisingly, they both immediately grasped the fact that we’d be home all day together and were happy! The first thing we did is something we rarely ever had time to do… just talk and be together. No rush. No specific goal to accomplish. Just talk and be together.

The little one crawled up on my lap with her sister beside me. Playing with her hair and patting her little pajama bottom I looked at her and asked, “So, what fun things do you think us three girls should do now that mommy doesn’t have to go to work anymore?” We could color. We could go ride ponies. We could play hide and seek. We could surprise daddy at work. We could go to the park and feed the ducks.

No kidding. I was really enjoying my new life of freedom and enjoying the fact that I could enjoy my kids again.

We sat there unrushed for at least fifteen minutes, just talking, just being together. And guess what, now that I’m a work at home mom, I can do it almost anytime I want! Normally, I’d have been sitting in rush hour inhaling exhaust fumes and feeling my blood pressure rise during that time. Wow, I was going to love being a stay at home mom, or a work at home mom.

Then we talked about boundaries and the new rules for the family now that mommy was a work at home mommy. We talked about quiet time while mommy is on the phone. We talked about coming to get me in an emergency. We talked about play time when mommy wasn’t working anymore. We talked about what mommy would be doing in her work at home job.

As I underwent my online training from my new home office, a squirrel sat on the big tree limb outside my window looking at me for a brief moment, as if to say, welcome to community of people smart enough to get out of the rat race and LIVE.

And living I was.

My kids are going to grow up more secure, better adjusted, more intelligent and more loved now that I am a work at home mom. My husband and I are both going to enjoy having less stress and a more harmonious lifestyle. I’m going to use my work at home job to do nice things to show him how much I love him and I’m not going to stop until I figure out and fix whatever is making him not make me laugh anymore like he used to. And I am going to savor the joy of true freedom… freedom from guilt, freedom from feeling inadequate all the time and freedom from having constant stress from always being behind.

I’m a work at home mom now, and in my heart, I wish that all moms -- and kids -- could discover and enjoy what I've discovered.

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